Here's to Elves, Old People, Ghosts, Frosty the Snowman, and Snow Angels.
Here's to Duck Whistles, Gingerbread Men, Chicken Restaurants, Pyro, Beer, and Chips.

Here's to Bi-Polar Disorder, Self-Centeredness, Low Self Esteem, and Unhealthy Obsession.
Here's to being so stupid that it hurts me to talk to you.

Here's to dogs named after Star Wars Characters.
Here's to men who wear glasses, and the ones who don't but should.
Here's to one drink that lasts 12 hours and to understandings.
Here's to my first birthday party, and a bunch of other things that I never got for my birthday before.

Here's to Hugh Laurie, Hayden Christensen, Tim Roth, David Bowie, Jesse L. Martin, Josh Lucas, and Dane Cook.

Here's to Three Witches with their Tiki Torches of Doom.
Here's to Frankenstein's Monster, you dumb fucks. Frankenstein was the fucking scientist.

Here's to my first time on a boat.
Here's to a two hour drive to nowhere. Here's to fried pickles and a food joint on the lake.
Here's to technobeams in the kitchen.
Here's to cleaning the chocolate fountain.
Here's to the drive home.

Here's to Bugs Bunny, Marvin the Martian, Elmer Fudd, Porky Pig, and the Skunk.
Here's to Bad Bob, Leon P. Jones, and Lawman.
Here's to Miss Dixie, Smitty Nutt, Poodles, Sandy Candy, and Super Information Man.
May they rest in peace.

Here's to rapists and overeaters.
Here's to perverts and people incapable of forming a well versed sentence.

Here's to pig roasts, kegs, beer pong, and mustangs.

Here's to naked men dancing on poles.

Here's to the Fucking Empress of Fabulous.
Because there should have been an Emperor of Fabulous.

Here's to running around for nothing. Here's to being used.
Here's to missing it.

Here's to fags.

Here's to Jews going to Ballyhoo.
Here's to girls kissing in the middle of Times Square.
Here's to corsets and codpieces.
Here's to bending over walls for all to see.
Here's to watching her face when I win.

Here's to coming close, but never getting to come.
Here's to calling me when you're drunk.

Here's to washing dishes for inconsiderate assholes.
Here's to telling them to kiss my ass.

Here's to being sober. Here's to knowing that you won't be tomorrow.
Here's to bars, strip clubs, pubs, eateries, my house, and studios.

Here's to the best anyone would be lucky enough to have.
Here's to hoping.
Here's to glasses.
Here's to British Accents, fake British Accents, and all that Jazz.
Here's to red hair and blue eyes.
Here's to hair pulling, pushing, and throwing up against walls.

Here's to theatre, film, and everything in between.

Here's to being topless in the backseat of your professor's car.
Here's to being topless everywhere else.

Here's to being 22.
Here's to 2007, hoping that 23 is even better.

Much Love and Wishes for a Happy New Year to All!
Evans, The Empress of Fabulous.


PS: Thanks to everyone for the Birthday Wishes, this was one of the best birthdays ever!!

Friend: Evans, why don't you post on livejournal anymore?
Evans: I don't know. I guess I just post blogs on Myspace.
Friend: You suck.
Evans: Well...that's true.


So here I am posting on livejournal again. I wish I had more interesting things to talk about, but I really don't. I've been recently informed that my 5 year high school reunion is in May of next year. What? Great. So I've been thrown into touch with a lot of my "friends" from high school. Most of which, by the way, are married, or pregnant, or already parents, or all of that jazz. Shit! I need to learn to keep up. The best thing I've got going for me is my "child bearing hips and ass" as you may remember from my last post about the guy at the gas station.

Anywho.

Saw 3 is gross. It's good, but it's gross. Lots of gore this time. Yuck.

I'm working for Stone Mountain Park now, I got a technician/actor position today. Yay! I start tomorrow. Thank God, because money sucks.

I suppose that's all I have to say for now.

Hugs and Kisses to all,
Evans, The Empress of Fabulous

At the gas station next to my apartment.

Guy at Gas Pump #5: Hey. Hey. Hey girl.
Evans at Gas Pump #6: Excuse me?
Guy: Hey.
Evans: Hi.
Guy: How you?
Evans: I'm good, you?
Guy: I'm chill, I'm chill. You married?
Evans: Excuse me?
Guy: You married? You look married.
Evans: (To end the conversation) Yes, I am. I'm married.
Guy: You got kids, too right? You look like it. Them hips and thighs. You got kids. I can tell. How many?
Evans: I....um....
Guy: How many? I know you got em. You look like it. Look at that ass. Them kids gonna grow up nice.
Evans: ........four.
Guy: Yeah, yeah. Them kids gonna grow up hot.
Evans: Nice to meet you. Gotta go pick up the kids from school.

(Evans gets in car, drives off crying.)



So guys, do me a favor. I don't care how big a girls hips, ass, or thighs are; please don't just assume that she's had children. More importantly, even if you do just assume that she does DON'T FUCKING TELL HER!!!


Thank you, and good night.

Love,
Evans, The Empress of Apparently Looking Like She's Had Children

A. Pick 16 of your favorite movies.
B. Then pick one of your favorite quotes from each movie.
C. Post the quotes in your journal.
D. Have those on your friends list try to guess what the movie is without Googling, you cheating fuckers.
E. Strike out the quote once it has been correctly identified and place the guesser’s username directly after the quote.

1. "After all, I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." Kristin

2. "Maggots,Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?"

3. "All you need is love. John Lennon, smart man. Shot in the back, very sad." Swim

4. "Litre is French for give me some fucking cola before I break vous fucking lips!"

5. "The spiders, they want me to tap dance. I don't want to tap dance." Swim

6. "He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?" Kristin

7. "I love you." "I know." Kristin

8. "You're not Jesus. You're Bob!" "I'm Bob. How goes it?"

9. "You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there. You guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysittin' the sheep while you stem the rose." Kristin

10. "How do you shoot the Devil in the back? What if you miss?" Swim

11. "In Vino Veritas" "Age Quod Agis" "Credat Judaeus Apella, Non Ego" "Eventus Stultorum Magister." "In Pace Requiescat."

12. "Impossible sir, it's in Johnson's underwear." Kristin

13. "His carriage has broken down in the rain. The wheels are stuck in the mud. She will only wait so long. This is the sound of his agitation."

14. "I'm not a smart man. But I know what love is." Kristin

15. "Rolo was a purse snatcher. My father ran into him off duty, and he shot my father six times and got away clean. No one even knew who he was. I just made the name up to give him some personality. Rolo Tomasi is the reason I became a cop. I wanted to catch the guys who thought they could get away with it. It's supposed to be about justice. Then somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that."

16. "Don't pussy out on me now. They don't know. They don't know shit. You're not gonna get hurt. You're fucking Barretta. They believe every fucking word cus you're supercool." Swim

it's been a crazy summer and now that everything is not really in the air anymore the dust has settled and a lot of things have been set into motion. the big thing right now is that i'm not going back to school. there are many reasons for this but the big one is that i can't get financial aid. it sucks, but that's how it is. i pretty much feel like i have a degree anyway. i mean, i was only three spanish classes and two core classes away from the little piece of paper.

i'm excited that i'm not coming back and i'm a little sad. there are a lot of things that i'm gonna miss. (i'm particualarly not happy about missing the chance to be involved with the durang pieces) he is my icon and all. but i'm glad becuase i feel like i've been in a rut as far as the west georgia theatre company is concerned. i'm not happy with the direction it's going. there are a lot of people now that make it almost unbearable to be a part of something that used to be so great. i try to remember it as it was before, not what it has become. i'll miss a few people and be relieved to not be around others. there are a lot of opportunites out there for me and i feel like i might get a chance to take advantage of them now.

i'll be finishing my degree eventually. just not now. i think it's smart anyway. i like the fact that i'm getting some "real world" experience right now and makeing a lot of contacts. that way i'll have a better idea of what i want to do with my degree. it makes sense for me.

as far as everything else goes six flags fulltime is coming to an end soon. a lot of my friends will be heading out of state (*cough* steven *cough* peaches *cough* hunter) and i will be very sad. but i still have my roommates. and few other people to make the time go by. i'm auditioning with west texas productions and that might take me somewhere.

i've been trying to write but everything right now is at a block. it sucks but that's how it is. i'm working on getting out of the hole. it's dark in here.

still not seeing anyone. i'm enjoying my singledom and drinking every free minute i've got. it's good.

3rd season of project runway is on now and i'm loving it. i can't wait for next week when someone gets thrown off. this is exciting. i don't really like this group anyway.

that's all for now. everyone needs to go see superman returns and pirates of the caribbean now if you haven't. and go buy the gnarls barkley cd because it's amazing.

love you all,
evans, the empress of fabulous!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Empress+of+Fabulous

you guys should all do this. it will help me become more aware of myself. thanks tim!

it's an embarassing thought really. what if? its the idea of promise, pleasure, or pain. it could be for the better or the worse.

i've always been one to take joy from the small things in life. a beautiful day. a rain storm. a day of girly movies and popcorn. a great conversation with a friend. seeing a crush at work. hugging a cute teddy bear. hearing a great joke. i say the fact that i take joy from the small things makes me young at heart. and therefore i'll live forever. i smile and i move on.

then i sleep. or at least i try to sleep and i wonder. and my mind doesn't stop. i get it from my mother. when i was very young i would not sleep at night because i would lay in bed thinking about death (when you're young there isn't much else the frightens you like that) and i would get sick to my stomach and all of my muscles would tense up and i'd just lay in bed trying to avoid thinking about it. i'd try to make my mind move to other things like a tv show or a book. i'd make myself so sick i'd wake up my mother who would comfort me and tell me that she does the same thing.

i haven't had a restless night like that since i was 13 years old.

then i try to sleep tonight. it's not a good night. it was an okay day. but the night has been better. i took my simple pleasures. i watched stuart play donkey conga. i drank a smirnoff ice. i had a great talk with heather. i had my cell phone cut back on. i got to play with lambert. i got to see brad in the country show (he's so very funny after all.) and i think of all of the wonderful things that i love so much and i try to sleep. and even though it's been nine years since i've felt them; familiar feeling surface. my muscles tense up my stomach begins turning itself into knots.

thoughts come to me that i don't want. i avoid. it is my biggest flaw. credit card debt. my things in carrollton. rent. gas. food. school. debt. debt. debt. car insurence. car payment.

and these things play in my mind over and over again. i consider the what ifs. i always come to the same one. what if i just died? the pain and the worry and the sickness would leave. it would all be gone. and it's comforting for a minute.

and once i'm comfortable with the thought of death and think about what i'd miss. i would never get to write a real play. i'd never get married. i'd never get to see new york. i'd never get a degree. i'd never get a second chance on anything. i'd never get to ask out that guy. he'd never get to ask me out. i'd never get to buy that outfit or those shoes. i'd never get to hear my dad play the guitar again. i'd never get to watch football on a saturday afternoon again.

and i realize that i take pleasure in the small day to day activities and it keeps me young from morning to night. but what keeps me young forever is the things that i'd miss if i died. the bigger things. the things you wait for. the things you dread. the things you avoid.

the knots in my stomach loosen and my muscles slowly relax. i smile and i think.




i prayed today. it was the first time in a long time. i didn't know who i was praying to. but i think whoever it was, they heard me. i think they have nights just like me.